I have always wanted to start one of these bad boys, so after several brew dogs (9 Coors lite to be exact), a batch up chicken wings, and a wonderful day of football spent on the couch. Here I am...lets go!
Sundays are amazing. Sunday's when you roll out of bed, only to throw yourself on the couch for 12 hours are orgasmic. Today was orgasmic. I love any day when the only effort required is hitting the toilet bowl and not burning the nachos. Alas, that was today; I spent hours with the remote control flicking back and fourth, to and from Fox, ESPN and CBS, eating food where the sodium count rivals the amount of times I want to smack Chris Berman during the course of the pre-game. For those of you scoring at home - 1, 209, 455 times. I doubled up for each time he uttered the sound 'whoooop'. What an ass! Does he think that its funny? Do people enjoy it? Do the production crew at ESPN say, 'Chris...we need a few more 'whoooop's today during the hi-lite clips, go get'er done'? Regardless, it's not as bad as the ebonics that spit out of Michael Irvin's mouth.
Michael Irvin: 'Well my brotha, it be' goes a lil sometin like dis wit da boys in da hood when we'd be trippin on d'em fields'.'...
This leads me to the inevitable question of 'would you'?
If I we're a real journalist, or had more time and even the essential skills, id break a few games down as I saw it, run a little more junk on the on-air 'talent', but I will leave with with these last parting shots....
Sundays are amazing. Sunday's when you roll out of bed, only to throw yourself on the couch for 12 hours are orgasmic. Today was orgasmic. I love any day when the only effort required is hitting the toilet bowl and not burning the nachos. Alas, that was today; I spent hours with the remote control flicking back and fourth, to and from Fox, ESPN and CBS, eating food where the sodium count rivals the amount of times I want to smack Chris Berman during the course of the pre-game. For those of you scoring at home - 1, 209, 455 times. I doubled up for each time he uttered the sound 'whoooop'. What an ass! Does he think that its funny? Do people enjoy it? Do the production crew at ESPN say, 'Chris...we need a few more 'whoooop's today during the hi-lite clips, go get'er done'? Regardless, it's not as bad as the ebonics that spit out of Michael Irvin's mouth.
Michael Irvin: 'Well my brotha, it be' goes a lil sometin like dis wit da boys in da hood when we'd be trippin on d'em fields'.'...
WTF??? Obviously not an actual quote, but it's fun trying to talk like Michael Irvin. After six or 7 beers, my living room sounded like a ghetto from South Central L.A. Just take out the 'boyz' and replace them with 4 dorky white dudes drinking 'lite' beers. Goodtimes...
I need your guy's opinion on this. While we we're watching football and talking in ebonics, the topic of sideline reporters came up. I'm sure you are your homies have discussed which sideline reporter would you nail? and wouldnt she make the coolest g/f? I'd give Suzy Kobler the HBI (hot beef injection) in a second. I went to say i'd even give Michelle Tafoya a run between the sheets. My friends then left. Even with her horse face, jacked up smile and busted teeth - i bet she'd score you some good tickets. Wouldnt this be reason enough? I think so...
I need your guy's opinion on this. While we we're watching football and talking in ebonics, the topic of sideline reporters came up. I'm sure you are your homies have discussed which sideline reporter would you nail? and wouldnt she make the coolest g/f? I'd give Suzy Kobler the HBI (hot beef injection) in a second. I went to say i'd even give Michelle Tafoya a run between the sheets. My friends then left. Even with her horse face, jacked up smile and busted teeth - i bet she'd score you some good tickets. Wouldnt this be reason enough? I think so...
(I totally would, would you?)
(FREE TIX BABY)
There have been Sunday's when I am on the couch, either S.Kobler or M.Tafoya have come on the screen, and I have sported wood! I swear, any chick who can talk sports and score at least a 6 on the 'would you?' scale...im in!
My friend (M.D.) once told me about a time he had a rough Saturday night, struck out wit da ladies, and ended up coming home after his last penny. Already mad he wasn't getting laid, he was even more pissed he missed the final few minutes of whatever porn cimemax was playing (litterely credit's rolling once he turned on the TV) so he decided to go to bed. He said he woke up the following Sunday so geared to go, he rubbed one out to Leslie Visser.....wait for it.....yes, that Leslie Visser. That shit ain't right man. Jill Arrington...yes...Pam Oliver....maybe....Bonnie B....twice. but Leslie Visser, ca'MON! My friend's main arguement: 'you fucker, she's in the PRO FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME, I'd nail a HALL OF FREAKING FAMER' I think was his exact quote.
My friend (M.D.) once told me about a time he had a rough Saturday night, struck out wit da ladies, and ended up coming home after his last penny. Already mad he wasn't getting laid, he was even more pissed he missed the final few minutes of whatever porn cimemax was playing (litterely credit's rolling once he turned on the TV) so he decided to go to bed. He said he woke up the following Sunday so geared to go, he rubbed one out to Leslie Visser.....wait for it.....yes, that Leslie Visser. That shit ain't right man. Jill Arrington...yes...Pam Oliver....maybe....Bonnie B....twice. but Leslie Visser, ca'MON! My friend's main arguement: 'you fucker, she's in the PRO FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME, I'd nail a HALL OF FREAKING FAMER' I think was his exact quote.
The 'Viss'.
This leads me to the inevitable question of 'would you'?
Leslie Visser or Michelle Tafoya?
Settle the score for me and my 'boi' M.D.
If I we're a real journalist, or had more time and even the essential skills, id break a few games down as I saw it, run a little more junk on the on-air 'talent', but I will leave with with these last parting shots....
- I hated that Sterling Sharpe kept calling Vince Young "VY".
- Joe Buck calls one of the best games in sports today.
- Field Goal kicker's need to work on their celebration.
- Bill Parcells has bigger boobs than my Aunt Shelia. And she has a big rack.
- The new Budweiser commercials are hilarious: 'How bout DEM COWBOYS' makes me laugh every time.
- Im still kind of drunk after 9 'lite' beers....I feel like a pansy.
Cheers to you not catching a case of 'the Monday's'...
Tomorrow's edition of the wanna-be sports hack? Why John Madden should commentate your life.
That is all.
-Mat
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